paintedcave

Audience.

by Megan Randolph

I was there

When you smashed your wedding pictures in the front yard

Watching

When you dropped us off on the corner

When you called my dad’s girlfriend a cunt

When you said you would shoot her

Standing Ovation

When you dragged me by my arm to the car.

When you pulled my hair,

When you hooked your arm around my neck,

When you called me a slut.

Applause

You said, I repeated what my dad told me,

Said I was on “his side,”

I was there when you showed up outside his houses, every time he moved,

At some point you’d be there leaning on your horn.

I was there when you screamed at me outside my best friend’s house,

I looked up and locked eyes with a little boy,

Her neighbor

He looked at me with pity

He was watching too,

An encore for you.

I was there when the police came,

when they interviewed me.

Roll out the red carpet,

I had to write a letter saying exactly what happened,

I had to give it to my dad

The only way the courts would let me free of you.

But my dad used it for his own gain,

A fucked up game

To hurt you

I was a pawn

Simply used

And abused

If I wasn’t quiet,

I was too much

If I spoke,

I was quieted

Abandoned.

To friends,

I was a burden

Who didn’t want to party that night

I was

Too much. I was

Shut down I was

Lost. I was

Numb.

Now, four years later, it is my mess to sort through.

The smoldering ashes of a building

Ignited by you.

I am still dealing with the mess you left,

The mess you both made.

 

Searching desperately for something I lost,

Trying to understand how to live,

How to not hurt people

and push them away,

The way I have been,

Begging them to stay.

I needed you.

Bio

Megan Randolph is nineteen and studying journalism. She values compassion, bravery, honesty, intelligence and a sense of humor. She tries to write with all of those. She began writing poetry as an outlet during high school, and that has developed into a passion for translating experiences into art.